I am very privileged and excited to welcome our new arrival and the latest addition to our beautiful family; Hawaii. As many of you know, I’m all for attachment parenting and believe that even small sovereign countries deserve a prominent place in our household, so it can feel loved and grow strong, something it surely can not do without any help and guidance.
While the land and sugar would have been fine without us, our family (having been blessed with great fortune) felt compelled to protect it and help it reach its full potential. Leaving it alone, to fend for itself, would have just been abuse, in our opinion.
My stunningly bright new state, as seen by many daily helicopter tours, was born after a long and drawn out labor, in front of a bunch of old men in Congress and a queen stuck between a rock and a hard place. While conceived naturally, like all of my other 49 children, its birth was still a slight shock to many of my neighbors who just didn’t think it was going to happen.
Smaller than its siblings, our dear Hawaii acted out at times and rebelled more than once, even going so far as becoming a republic. But, I stayed firm and it finally towed the line, unlike its older sister, Alaska, who, with her big heart, yet cold demeanor can still be heard moaning about her ‘shit’ situation, seven months later.
I’d be lying if I said it didn’t look out of place compared to its siblings, but, with its vast income and strategic location ripe for the taking, it had to be done. I love all of my offspring equally, of course, even the persistent ones who tell me they hate me daily. In fairness, though, I do tend to take slightly better care of the ones that are closer to my heart, like all of the other 48, but I digress.
The end of labor was the hardest. My new state had to spend a few weeks behind closed doors, before it was prepared to join the rest of our happy family. But, we visited often and are so overjoyed to have it join our contented lineage.
It’s very possible that I could be expecting another bundle of joy very soon, perhaps somewhere in the East, but I’m confident that my new arrival and its older 49 siblings will be just as thrilled and full of friendship, while feeling no competitiveness whatsoever.
I know my beautiful new state has been fully accepted into our amazing family, as its older siblings have already started poking and name calling their new relation. I can truthfully say that it fills my heart with love to see them all cooperating so pleasantly together.
Please come and say aloha, when you can. We would all really welcome it and I know its southern siblings would be pleased to see you, too. It runs quite hot, so some molokini snorkeling may be in order, though and we don’t like to talk about its past. So, if I get moody about your prolonged fuss about how this happened and how I want it to only learn English, then I am sorry. Like most new moms, I think my newest addition is special and will grow to be a valued member of the Western World.
Bringing food and wine would be most welcome, as would bringing something to amuse the other states. I’m still recovering from labor and am too exhausted to stop them flinging insults at each other. Oh and I’ll take ALL offers of babysitting my little state very seriously indeed.
If you do fancy buying a little present for my new state, then please consider bringing something helpful, like an English dictionary, as we really want it brought up in the Western way, forgetting its barbaric and sovereign past completely.
When the time is right, of course, we will clue her in, remind her of her mother tongue and may encourage her to re-find her cultural roots. Maybe she could teach her older brethren a thing or two?
Like her siblings, I plan to feed her on demand, so rude appeals for me to take a step back and let it continue to fend for itself will be snubbed. Politely, of course.
Before you ask, yes, I am actively co-sleeping and will continue to until my political investment has paid off. I’m okay with that, for now and will sort out the calls for independence and native Hawaiian rights when all 50 kids suddenly decide to sleep through the night at the same time and can play together without mud slinging matches.
As you know, I love social media and a good selfie and plan to post many happy pictures of us all together in our Instagram fairytale world (hashtag- #livingauthentic, of course). We’re sure to be the envy of every nation.
